This might surprise none of you, but I love a good Star Wars alien. As a kid I would spend way too much time rewatching Return of the Jedi’s Jabba’s Palace scenes to gaze upon the slimy, rubbery, and occasionally puppety denizens of the corpulent crime boss’ court. The action figures I would always gravitate toward first were the weird guys with names like Momaw Nadon and Amanaman. I yearned to know how Max Rebo, Droopy McCool and Sy Snootles linked up to become the hottest musical act on the Outer Rim. So yeah, I like my Star Wars when it’s weird.
However, since we’re getting new Star Wars media on a
fairly regular basis these days – including Disney+ shows, video games and more
books and comics than I reasonably have time to read – it’s rare to be outright
shocked and delighted by a singular, brand-new alien design. But that all changed this past Wednesday.
The fantastic Season 3 premiere of The Mandalorian
brought us many things to enjoy this past week: Greef Karga’s cape droids,
Grogu interacting and almost squeezing the life out of tiny droidsmiths, a
massive crocodile monster and a fairly intense space battle pitting Mando against pirates.
But it was the leader of those pirates that stopped me in my tracks and made me
shout “WHAT?!” at an all-too-inappropriate volume for 7 a.m.
Enter Pirate King Gorian Shard: The New Gigachad of the Star Wars Universe.
I mean … look at him. A bizarre cross between Swamp
Thing and Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise with
just a dash of Sigmund the Sea Monster, this is a character that deserves a Hasbro Star Wars Black Series figure, multiple Funko POP! bobbleheads and a trilogy of
novels detailing his meteoric rise through the pirate ranks. He should be a
photo op at Galaxy’s Edge. He should be my new best friend.
But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s just hope he shows up again on this season of The Mandalorian or, at the very least, one of the upcoming live-action shows. The Shard Squad demands it.