'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Gets an Honest Trailer for Christmas

Based on how amazing Nickelodeon's updated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series has been about sticking to the material and not treating the pre-adolescent target audience like simpletons, it's pretty mind-blowing that such a bizarre, disjointed and often inappropriate live-action TMNT film was allowed to hit movie screens this summer. Fortunately, the Honest Trailers folks have rightfully skewered the Michael Bay-produced Turtles flick just in time for the holidays. Unwrap and enjoy!

‘The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies’ Reviewed

Remember how, in middle school, you used double-spacing and wider margins to stretch out your five-paragraph book report to the required three pages, thinking you were fooling your teacher? That’s pretty much what Peter Jackson has done — albeit on a far grander scale — in his Hobbit trilogy.

 The third film in this bloated adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien’s beloved children’s story picks up where The Desolation of Smaug left off, with the iconic fire drake laying waste to Lake-town and Bard the Bowman (Luke Evans) saving the day. But the dragon’s defeat only creates more problems for Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) and the company of Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage), as the titular armies converge on the Lonely Mountain for a massive showdown full of orcs, humans, elves, dwarves, trolls and a wide array of CGI beasts.

Since so much of the Hobbit story has already been told in the previous films — along with a whole lot of additional material added by Jackson to pad out the running time — there’s not much to this final film aside from large-scale battle sequences, but the moments that aren’t focused on fighting are largely forgettable. We see Thorin suffer from “dragon sickness” as the gold hoards within Erebor poison his mind, we see the White Council rescue Gandalf (Sir Ian McKellan) from Dol Guldur and we get more of the superfluous interspecies love story between Kili (Aidan Turner) and Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly). There’s also an abundance of scenes featuring a character named Alfrid Lickspittle (Ryan Gage), who’s just the worst ever.

The Battle of the Five Armies is a far more satisfying experience than the meandering Desolation of Smaug, but Jackson’s presumably final jaunt in Middle-earth too often feels like a video game cutscene. The battles lack the weight of those in the Lord of the Rings trilogy and are, unfortunately, lengthy to the point of exhaustion. Still, at a relatively brisk 144 minutes, it’s the most entertaining film in the trilogy.

 As much as I loved the original Lord of the Rings films — I still have the light-up Burger King goblets to prove it — I can’t help but feel that there was a superior adaptation of The Hobbit in the works before someone got the idea that a three-hundred page children’s book needed to be a three-film, eight-hour war epic. I’d much rather see that movie.

New James Bond Gets a Title, All-Star Cast

It's a pretty good time to be a movie geek. After getting new trailers for Jurassic World and Star Wars: The Force Awakens, we received news that the 24th James Bond film has a title, Spectre, and will feature Christoph Waltz, Monica Bellucci, Lea Seydoux, Andrew Scott and Drax the Destroyer himself, Dave Bautista. Skyfall director Sam Mendes will return alongside Daniel Craig, who steps into 007's signature tuxedo for the fourth time in the anticipated film. Other returning Bond cast members include Ralph Fiennes as M, Naomie Harris as Miss Moneypenny and Ben Whishaw as Q.

The title and the octopus-shaped bullet hole in the logo allude to SPECTRE, the terrorist organization Sean Connery and oft-forgotten 007 George Lazenby battled in the 1960s and early '70s. Although the criminal organization was seemingly reimagined as the group called Quantum in Craig's Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace, we might see the entity emerge as an entirely new threat in the fourth film in this rebooted timeline. In any event, the fact that much of the Skyfall crew is coming back for this installment bodes very well. Also, is anyone else ridiculously pumped about the idea of seeing Christoph freakin' Waltz as a Bond villain?!

Spectre hits theaters Nov. 6, 2015. For more on this story, head over to IGN.

Every Day is Arm Day for Chewbacca

Damn, you'd better let the Wookiee win.

This Chewbacca figure, recently pulled from a large plastic bin of Star Wars figures in my closet, was part of the "Power of the Force" line released by Kenner in 1995. Like just about every figure in that lineup, Chewie sports an exaggerated physique that's more reminiscent of Mattel's Masters of the Universe than the classic Star Wars figures from more than a decade earlier. The bizarre buffness of 1990s Star Wars figures didn't really go away until the Episode 1 line got rolling, and although a lot of people roll their eyes at these POTF toys, they'll always hold a special place in my collection. That being said, I never liked that Chewbacca was too jacked to fly the Millennium Falcon.

Oh, No! The Rancor!

Back when I devoted three whole shelves and the top of a dresser to my gargantuan Star Wars collection, the centerpiece of it all was my Millennium Falcon, Kenner's 1995 "Power of the Force" re-issue of the original 1978 toy with some minor upgrades. I amassed a sizable fleet of Kenner/Hasbro Star Wars vehicles in the 1990s, from Luke Skywalker's X-wing Starfighter to the still-amazing AT-AT, but the Falcon always had the spotlight in my bedroom display. It was the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, after all.

That all changed when a chance trip to KB Toys in the summer of 1998 introduced me to this guy: Jabba the Hutt's prized pet from Return of the Jedi, The Rancor. Immediately, this creature took center stage in my display, banishing the Falcon to the junkyards of Ord Mantell (a.k.a. my closet).

As a Deluxe Beast Pack, The Rancor came with a Luke armed only with an oversized bone to save him from the monster's maw. The Luke figure was pretty forgettable, but The Rancor was, to my 14-year-old mind, one of the coolest toys I'd ever seen. I definitely wasn't playing with Star Wars action figures at that point in my life, but if someone were to accuse me of occasionally making monster noises while "feeding" this guy Gamorrean Guards in the middle of the night, I might have a hard time denying it.

I dug this monstrosity out of a box of Star Wars toys the other day, and I'm convinced now more than ever that he warrants being displayed out in the open. Now, where are those Gamorrean Guards?

An Awkward 'Star Wars' Family Reunion

I'm even more obsessed with Star Wars than usual after the teaser for The Force Awakens broke the Internet for real (sorry, Kim), so I was inspired this evening to take a deep dive into one of the plastic bins housing a large chunk of my Star Wars collection.

Amidst the laughable assortment of Geonosian Warriors I amassed back in 2002 and no less than THREE different Jar Jar Binks figures because I needed those for some reason, I stumbled upon this gem: a toy based on Ralph McQuarrie's early concept for Chewbacca. It's a rad figure, and I definitely plan on finding a place to display this guy. 

Here he is alongside Star Wars Rebels' Zeb Orrelios, who owes much of his design to this proto-Wookiee. Uncanny resemblance, no?

Check back later this week for more unique finds from the collection!

'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' Teaser Now Online

"Have you felt it?"

Well, this morning brought me some major déjà vu as I sat on my bed frantically refreshing my Twitter feed awaiting the arrival of the promised teaser trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens to arrive. As was the case with each Prequel film, I approached viewing this teaser with bizarre single-mindedness, determined to be among the first online to gaze upon J.J. Abrams' bold new vision for the Star Wars Saga.

When I saw Ralph McQuarrie-esque X-wing fighters skimming over water in formation, the Millennium Falcon gracefully soaring into battle against TIE fighters and (gasp!) actual location shots, I was immediately won over, watching the clip three more times in a row.

Although the teaser presents more questions than it answers (what's the deal with that droid and how does that new lightsaber work?), I'm ecstatic about Star Wars right now ... and judging by my aforementioned Twitter feed, so are many of you.

Check out the teaser below!

How to Say 'I Am Groot' in 15 Languages

You guys, not only is Guardians of the Galaxy now available on Digital HD (it hits Blu-ray Dec. 9), but Marvel has released a video teaching us all how to say the best catchphrase of the year in 15 different languages. It's slick and, like the movie itself, it's a lot of fun. Enjoy Groot going all international on your ears for nearly two minutes straight. Io sono Groot!

Adult Swim's 'Too Many Cooks' Made Me Cry

Explaining any aspect of this would be a disservice. Just know that Adult Swim aired it at 4 a.m., and that you need to sit through the entire thing. Enjoy!

'Star Wars: Episode VII' Gets a Forceful Title

Star Wars: Episode VII has finished principal photography and it's going to be called The Force Awakens, a title that fits incredibly well with the Original Trilogy no matter what the naysayers are spouting out there in the Twitterverse. It's simple, it's classic and it doesn't induce groans like Attack of the Clones did when that title was announced 13 years ago. I also like that The Force is being featured in the title of a Star Wars movie for the first time. 

However, if the other two films in the new trilogy are called The Force Needs Coffee and Return of the Snooze Button, I might have some issues.

The latest chapter in the Star Wars saga opens in theaters Dec. 18, 2015. For more on The Force Awakens, head over to StarWars.com. 

Why Rocket Raccoon is My Spirit Animal

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Marvel Just Won At Everything

Even though it's not quite Halloween just yet, DC Entertainment must be absolutely terrified right about now.

In a fan event Tuesday, Marvel Studios unveiled Phase 3 of its Marvel Cinematic Universe, announcing a mind-boggling slate of movies through 2019. The expansive lineup includes Thor: Ragnarok, Captain America: Civil War, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Dr. Strange, Captain Marvel, Black Panther, The Inhumans and a two-part Avengers sequel, Infinity War. 

Hearing about any one of these projects would be reason to celebrate, but Marvel Studios has gone ahead and dropped all of the nerd bombs in its arsenal, all at once. We're not just fortunate, True Believers. We're spoiled.

For all of the latest on The House of Ideas' blockbuster announcements, head over to Marvel.com.

The First 'Avengers: Age of Ultron' Trailer is the Best Thing You'll See Today

Man, it's a good thing I took the day off work. After the trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron leaked online, a move Marvel blamed on the villainous Hydra organization, The House of Ideas gave us the official teaser along with an all-new poster for the anticipated sequel. I can't stop watching it.

The teaser gives us our first true glimpse of the titular baddie in action (voiced to perfection by James Spader), and manages to make Pinocchio incredibly creepy.


Here are five things I absolutely love about this clip.

1) The use of "I've Got No Strings" throughout the teaser is corporate synergy at its best.
2) We're finally getting Hulkbuster armor and it looks fantastic.
3) This thing is going to be much darker than the relatively cheery first Avengers film.
4) Ultron looks like he might become my favorite superhero movie villain.
5) Since Tony Stark is the Gepetto to Ultron's Pinocchio, there's no way the story wraps up nicely. This movie is going to change everything for Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

Marvel's Avengers 2: Age of Ultron hits theaters May 1, 2015.

'X-Men: Days of Future Past' Gets an Honest Trailer

Well, I never really thought of X-Men: Days of Future past as a "super-powered snuff film," but here we are.

Will Warwick Davis Return to the 'Star Wars' Galaxy for 'Episode VII'?

Was there any doubt? Although it's safe to assume Mr. Davis will be playing an entirely new character (or several new characters), I'm kinda hoping we see him reappear as an older, grizzled Wicket W. Warrick.

I like Ewoks. Deal with it.

DC Unveils Ludicrously Ambitious Movie Schedule

Is DC Entertainment going into panic mode? Possibly. Warner Bros. has just revealed its slate of 10 massive superhero films it will be releasing through 2020, including two Justice League movies, a Suicide Squad adaptation, a Green Lantern reboot and solo outings for Wonder Woman, The Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg. The far-reaching cinematic universe for DC kicks off with Man of Steel sequel Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, which hits theaters in 2016.

Here's how it will all shake out:

2016 - Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (starring Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill)
2016 - Suicide Squad
2017 - Wonder Woman (starring Gal Gadot)
2017 - Justice League Part 1 
2018 - The Flash (starring Ezra Miller)
2018 - Aquaman (starring Jason Momoa)
2019 - Shazam (starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson)
2019 - Justice League Part 2
2020 -  Cyborg (starring Ray Fisher)
2020 - Green Lantern (probably not starring Ryan Reynolds)

I'll be shocked if even half of these get made, especially since so much of hinges on the success of Batman v Superman. For more on this story, head over to Deadline.com.

Bad Lip Reading Again Tackles 'The Walking Dead'

You can never have too much of a good thing, no matter what anyone tells you. The folks at Bad Lip Reading have posted their latest The Walking Dead lip dub video, bringing us an argument between Rick Grimes and Daryl Dixon about the "glue police," insight into the sheer luxury of getting one's "butt washed in the Jedi fountain" and a cat named Crazy Bennigan.

Check it out below.

From NYCC: French Flipper Tricks

Amidst the countless Jokers and Harley Quinns packed inside New York's Jacob Javits Center for this year's New York Comic Con, it was refreshing to encounter this lone Batman Returns Penguin roaming the show floor on Saturday afternoon, presumably in search of fresh fish and raw sewage. There was a whole lagoon of that crud in the back.

 Kudos to you, Mr. Cobblepot. I'm glad I voted for you.

From NYCC: Check Out This A-Hole!

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On Wars, Both Secret and Civil

We're just days removed from New York Comic Con, and geeks are all abuzz about several developments coming out of Marvel, namely that The House of Ideas is not only bringing us an all-new Secret Wars event next summer, but that 2015 will also see the release of another Civil War series. Whether the two events will occur simultaneously remains to be seen.

I was mere months old when Marvel launched its first Secret Wars crossover in 1984, so the announcement didn't necessarily bring about any pangs of nostalgia (even though I do thumb through my softcover trade paperback of that campy "all the good guys vs. all the bad guys" yarn every now and then), but the Civil War revelation is another story entirely.

Civil War, Marvel's politically-charged tale about a rift in its superhero community, kicked off in July 2006, a time when the idea of an Iron Man film seemed laughable while Spider-Man 3 was poised to be the biggest comic book movie of all time. I started working in Manhattan that fall, and my office was right between Midtown Comics' Lexington Ave. and Times Square locations. I hadn't been a regular consumer at a comic book store since the mid-1990s, when locales like The Dragon's Den in Greenwich, Conn., and The Spider's Web in downtown Port Chester, N.Y., served as nerdy refuges before superheroes were "in." With so many comic book stores in my area shuttering in the wake of the industry's 1990s boom period, I wound up getting my fix from the limited selection of new titles at bookstores like Barnes & Noble and Borders before my interest in the medium reached a low point in my teens. A chance lunch hour visit to Midtown Comics changed all that. I immediately gravitated toward Civil War and its numerous spin-offs. I was hooked again.

Although the bleak tone of the Civil War miniseries wasn't for everybody, the tight narrative by Mark Millar and the striking artwork by Steve McNiven kept me enthralled during my Metro-North commutes, and I was genuinely heartbroken when Captain America was assassinated after the series' conclusion the following year. My fandom only grew from there, and I went on to amass countless single issues and trades from Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, Image and just about anything else that I could get my hands on. Now, I'm a weekly regular at my local comic book store (A Timeless Journey in Stamford, Conn.) and my collection of current series and back-issues getting out of hand, to put it lightly. And it's all because of Civil War, for better or for worse.

Eight years later, Marvel is revisiting Civil War, with a teaser image that's evocative of the original. With rumors of a Marvel Comics reboot and recent speculation about how the Civil War storyline might be adapted in a future Captain America or Avengers film, there's lots for geeks to debate and wonder about. I'm proudly standing among them.

New Acquisition: Funko ReAction 'The Goonies' Data Figure

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New Acquisition: Funko ReAction Freddy Krueger Figure

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New 'Ghostbusters' Won't Acknowledge Previous Films in the Series

Well, this is terrible news. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Paul Feig, director of the forthcoming female-focused Ghostbusters film, stated that the new flick is a complete reboot with no connection to the first two installments in the franchise.

"It's not coming into the world that existed before," Feig told EW. "It’s always hard if the world has gone through this big ghost attack, how do you do it again? I wanted to come into our world where there’s talk of ghosts but they’re not really credible, and so what would happen in our world if this happened today?"

Feig added that members of the original Ghostbusters cast are welcome to appear in cameo roles, but they will not play the same characters. This new film is a clean slate, telling a story in which busting ghosts is a brand-new science and New York City hasn't been ravaged by a giant monster made out of marshmallows. Yikes. Why bother?

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, bad ideas. For the full story, visit EW.com.

All-New, All-Girl 'Ghostbusters' Sequel Confirmed

We're finally getting another Ghostbusters movie, and it's not at all what we were expecting. The third film in the franchise will reportedly feature a group of women wielding the neutrino wands this time around, a change that has many longtime fans feeling like they just had a run-in with a Class 5 full-roaming vapor. Is this all a publicity-grabbing stunt? Well, maybe not.

Paul Feig, who helmed female-focused comedies Bridesmaids and The Heat, will direct the anticipated reboot of the beloved series, with The Heat writer Katie Dippold signed on to pen the screenplay. No casting announcements have yet been made, but it's safe to assume Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy are in the mix.

Admittedly, regardless of the genders of its protagonists, I'm disappointed that we're moving forward with a third Ghostbusters without the original cast at the forefront, but I also understand that reuniting the original 'busters isn't exactly possible. Harold Ramis passed away earlier this year, and it's not like Bill Murray is interested in stepping back into Peter Venkman's jumpsuit anytime soon. As long as the new film is funny and retains the spirit of the Ivan Reitman original, I'm on board.

For more on this story, visit The Hollywood Reporter by clicking here.

The Dark and Gritty 'Adventure Time' Reboot I Never Knew I Wanted

The folks at GrittyReboots have gotten their hands on Adventure Time, making an occasionally dark and disturbing kids' show even more unsettling by giving us the live-action demise of Peppermint Butler. Check out the trailer for "Adventure Time: The Movie" below.

New Acquisition: DC Multiverse The Penguin Action Figure by Mattel

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T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

I finally snagged the final two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Classics 1990 Movie figures I needed, allowing me to take the group shot that's been two months in the making. Cowabunga and such! Kudos to Playmates Toys for an amazing job on these guys.

Some Quick Thoughts on 'Gotham'

Fox's Batman show without Batman debuted this past Monday and, surprisingly, Gotham isn't the worst thing to ever happen to The Dark Knight. In fact, it's really not that all that bad.

The pilot centered around the murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne as Detectives James Gordon (Ben McKenzie) and Harvey Bullock (Donal Logue) delve into Gotham's underbelly to uncover who's behind the plot. Thus far, we've seen a suitably dichotomous relationship between the virtuous Gordon and the jaded Bullock, a young Bruce Wayne (David Mazouz) grappling with fear and the introduction of such iconic Batman nemeses as The Penguin, Catwoman, The Riddler and Poison Ivy, who's inexplicably named "Ivy Pepper" and not Pamela Isley here. We've also met a mob boss named Fish Mooney (Jada Pinkett Smith), who's an original character created for the series, so we shouldn't get too attached to her.

Gotham is going to have a serious problem keeping things interesting, since it's essentially just a run-of-the-mill cop show set in the DC Universe, but it doesn't deserve any geek rage just yet. Hell, Gotham's better than pretty much every DC comic book that hit shelves this week — hollow praise, I know.

'Deadpool' Hits Theaters in 2016

Everyone's favorite Merc with a Mouth is coming to theaters on Feb. 12, 2016, Entertainment Weekly has confirmed. The Deadpool film will reportedly star Ryan Reynolds, who played a controversially misguided version of the character in 2009's X-Men Origins: Wolverine, complete with laser vision, knives protruding out of his forearms and a sewn-shut mouth. Presumably, this film will have zero ties to that abysmal X-Men prequel, although I don't think anyone would be offended if Deadpool cracked some jokes at its expense in his first solo flick.

The film will be directed by relative newcomer Tim Miller, and will likely be using the script penned by Zombieland scribes Rhett Reese and Paul Wenick, whose vision for the character was recently showcased in some leaked test footage that surfaced online.

Chimichangas, anyone?

Dan Aykroyd Has a Universe in Mind for ‘Ghostbusters’

Will the forthcoming third (and potentially all-female) installment of the lauded Ghostbusters franchise be the beginning of an entire interconnected canon for our favorite paranormal investigators? According to franchise star and co-creator Dan Aykroyd, a third movie is just the tip of the slime-covered iceberg.

“It’s beyond just another sequel, a prequel, another TV show. I'm thinking what does the whole brand mean to Sony?” Aykroyd told The Hollywood Reporter. “What does Pixar and Star Wars mean to Disney? What does Marvel mean to Fox?”

Of course, Aykroyd was either referencing Fox’s stranglehold on the X-Men franchise or he was confusing studios, but the message is clear: Ghostbusters is more than just movies. As we’ve seen with the interlocked Marvel Cinematic Universe branching out into ABC’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., there’s definite room to tell stories not only across films, but across platforms as well.

“The whole vehicle of Ghostbusters has to be rebuilt,” Aykroyd said. “That’s the ambitious thinking that’s going on now. Taking on the model of Marvel where we take all of the elements that are in this movie and we put them out there as different ideas.”

For the full story, click here.

Iron Man, Wolverine, Mace Windu and James Bond Rumored for 'Star Wars: Episode VII'

Patton Oswalt's Star Wars Filibuster is so close to being a real thing. Contactmusic.com reports that Robert Downey Jr., Hugh Jackman, Samuel L. Jackson and Daniel Craig will be appearing in J.J. Abrams' Star Wars: Episode VII. The kicker? They'll be under masks, apparently to avoid any contractual issues with other studios.

Another actor reportedly filming a secret cameo in the forthcoming Star Wars flick is Nick Frost, although Ed from Shaun of the Dead doesn't really fit next to the likes of 007 and Tony Stark in a headline. Still, it's cool to see so many of Hollywood's Star Wars fans getting a chance to roam around in George Lucas' galaxy far, far away.

As for Jackson's involvement, I'm hoping he reprises his role from the prequels, if only to justify my purchase of CyborgMaceWindu.com all those years ago. Who's laughing now, Internet?

Proof I Was Once an Athlete

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Back from the Abyss

After being bombarded by my fair share of negativity recently, I elected to take a brief couple of days away from the digital world and spare all of you — myself included — from an acidic online rant that would only come back to hurt me in the end. But I’ve cooled off and I’m back on the Internet, for better or for worse.

Last weekend, we celebrated the 30th anniversary of Ghostbusters with a theatrical release, and I went … twice. Not only did I enjoy the opportunity to watch one of my all-time favorite movies on the big screen, but I also gained a new appreciation for one of the best/worst extras in cinema history.

Get hyped for your Friday with a dude that’s trying desperately to upstage Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd in one of Ghostbusters’ most important scenes. Weekend, all right!

 

New Acquisition: TMNT Classics 1990 Movie Michelangelo by Playmates Toys

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New Acquisition: TMNT Classics 1990 Movie Raph by Playmates Toys

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New Acquisition: 'Captain America: The Winter Soldier' Marvel Legends Black Widow by Hasbro

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Marvel Legends Groot Build-A-Figure Completed!

On 'TMNT,' Shark Week and Dancing Trees

Free time's been a rare commodity for me this week, but since I found a few moments to lock myself in my nerd cave and babble on the blogosphere, here's what's been rattling around in my noggin:

• It's Shark Week on Discovery Channel, which used to be a big deal to me. However, the constant mixed messaging of the programming (sharks are characterized in equal measure as misunderstood creatures and bloodthirsty sea monsters), the abundance of faux-documentaries in lieu of factual content and the sheer number of shows that have to throw the word "jaws" into the title have turned me off. If you're going to throw science out the window, just give me a week of Street Sharks marathons, Discovery. 
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was better than I thought it might be, and I actually plan on seeing the already-announced sequel. There is definite room for improvement from a villain standpoint — Shredder was basically just Megatron with a knife fetish — but the characterization of the turtles themselves was surprisingly pretty good overall. Now, if we could only do something about those nostrils ... 
• SPOILERS AHOY! We're two weeks removed from the release of Guardians of the Galaxy, and people are still raving about the dancing abilities of a post-resurrection Groot grooving to the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." Hell, I almost bought a life-sized replica off Etsy. In response to the fervor over everyone's favorite wooden warrior, Disney has released the talked-about sequence online, and it's just as amazing as it was the first time I saw it. Check it out below!

My Instant Reaction to 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'

	James Wortman (@JamesWortman)
8/9/14, 11:47 AM I face-palmed a few times, but I thought @TMNTMovie was okay overall. It could have been a LOT worse, and the action was pretty impressive.

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New Acquisition: Drax Pop! Vinyl Bobble-Head by Funko

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Warner Bros. Moves 'Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice' Release Date

Warner Bros. is running scared, and based on the stellar performance of Guardians of the Galaxy this past weekend, it's hard to blame them.

Even though the studio has just announced release dates for nine unnamed DC Comics films, the bigger news reported today by Variety is that Warner Bros. changed its May 6, 2016, release date for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice to March 25 of that year. As such, the Zack Snyder-helmed Man of Steel sequel is no longer going head-to-head with Marvel Studios' third Captain America film.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I was intrigued by the Batman v Superman footage revealed at Comic-Con International last month, and I'm sure WB/DC have some heavy hitters lined up in their film slate. But the fact that Marvel Studios just made household names of characters like Ronan the Accuser and Yondu proves how far ahead The House of Ideas has gotten compared to its Distinguished Competition in the film arena. Clearly, based on this scheduling shift and the vague, knee-jerk nature of their "we have a bunch of movies coming up too!" announcement, WB knows it.

'Hooked on a Feeling': Why 'Guardians of the Galaxy' Soars

James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy is Marvel Studios’ most ambitious feature yet, marking the first time the Marvel Cinematic Universe has veered away from the core Avengers characters to tell an offbeat intergalactic yarn involving a talking raccoon, a sentient tree and The Runaways’ “Cherry Bomb.” It’s also the most fun you’re going to have in a theater this summer.

Guardians begins in a familiar Earth setting back in 1988, where a young Peter Quill sits outside his dying mother’s hospital bed as he tries to tune out the rest of the world with a Sony Walkman — arguably the film’s most central MacGuffin. After his mother dies just a few moments later, Peter flees the hospital and is abducted by space pirates led by the morally ambiguous Yondu (Michael Rooker). Fast forward a few years and we meet Peter as a grown man (Chris Pratt), who has become an intergalactic treasure hunter who goes by the self-ascribed moniker “Star-Lord.” He’s in search of a mysterious orb we later learn houses one of the Infinity Stones, powerful items that grant their bearer incredible destructive powers.  Collect the whole set and get a free gauntlet while supplies last!

Anyhow, Peter’s quest for the orb soon aligns him with an odd assemblage of characters, including Gamora (Zoe Saldana), the adopted daughter of the mad titan Thanos; Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista), a muscled warrior seeking to avenge his family; Rocket (Bradley Cooper), a quick-tempered, furry science experiment; and Groot (Vin Diesel), a tree creature with an extremely limited vocabulary. Once united, the rag-tag crew seeks to prevent the villainous Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace) from using the Infinity Stone for his own nefarious means.

This movie is goofy as hell, always embracing its own absurdity while somehow never crossing over into self-parody. Much of the fun throughout comes from the interaction between the incredibly strong ensemble cast — an impressive feat since two of the main characters are digital creations. Pratt’s Star-Lord is a swaggering, quick-witted Han Solo-type who clashes nicely with Saldana’s no-nonsense Gamora. Rocket and Groot will go down as one of modern cinema’s most memorable comedy parings, digital or otherwise, while Bautista’s surprisingly gets some of the movie’s biggest laughs as a naïve barbarian who just can’t wrap his head around metaphors.

There are visual thrills, sure, with harrowing space battles and elaborately staged shootouts. Yet, perhaps the best special effect in Guardians is its ability to be uproariously funny without being cynical or mean-spirited. In fact, this might even qualify as a “feel-good” movie. There, I said it.

Keen-eyed Marvel fans will notice plenty of Easter eggs throughout the film, including nods to the comic source material as well as previous Marvel Studios films. It goes without saying that you should stay through the end credits for what is, in my opinion, one of the best post-credits sequences of all time.

I’d love to be “that guy” and point out a few reasons why Guardians doesn’t live up to the hype, but I’m hard-pressed to recall any specific gripes about the film. It’s action-packed, it’s hilarious and it’s loaded with fan service while being inclusive of casual moviegoers. And yeah, I’m saying that about a movie starring a gun-toting raccoon. 

My Instant Reaction to Marvel's 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

	James Wortman (@JamesWortman)
8/1/14, 12:37 AM I haven't felt this excited leaving a movie theater in a long, long time. Thank you, @Guardians. #IAmGroot #StayThroughTheCredits

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Arnold Schwarzenegger + Farts = This

It's been a long week ... and it's only Thursday. As we all anxiously wait to see James Gunn's Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend at least once, we're probably all in search of new ways to pass the time on the Internet. Look no further than Distractotron. If you like Conan the Barbarian, The Running Man and bodily functions, this is the video for you.

My Toy Raccoon Can Beat Up Your Toy Raccoon

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From SDCC 2014: Nipples on Batman Remain Disturbing

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I Find Your Lack of Windshield Wipers Disturbing ...

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Here's My SDCC Rental Car

I didn't sleep much last night, so my excitement over this video might be attributed to extreme fatigue. That being said, I'm absolutely giddy right now at the thought of a Pizza Hut-branded, life-sized and fully operational version of the Playmates Toys Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Thrower being at San Diego's Comic-Con International this week.

Follow the hashtag #PizzaHutTMNT for updates. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hits theaters August 8.

My Tweet from One Year Ago Today Will Be Relevant Next Week

'Entertainment Weekly' Unveils 'Avengers 2' Villain

Just in time for San Diego's Comic-Con International, Entertainment Weekly has debuted their latest cover featuring Iron Man, Captain America and their titular adversary in Avengers: Age of Ultron. As we've come to expect from the folks at Marvel Studios, Ultron and his minions look as they should, and I dig Steve Rogers' updated suit as well. Tony Stark's Iron Man armor looks pretty similar to what we saw in Iron Man 3, which is by no means a bad thing. If it ain't broke ...

Check out a preview of Entertainment Weekly's cover story and view exclusive photos from Age of Ultron by clicking here.

Breakfast of No. 1 Contenders

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Bustin' Makes Me Love Being a Turtle

Although the huge comic book news that broke today was that Marvel would be debuting a female Thor in October (if you think this is permanent, you haven't been paying attention), I was definitely more pumped to learn that IDW would be teaming up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Ghostbusters in a four-issue comic book that same month. Regardless of how the final product turns out, this announcement entices me based on the fact that this is exactly the type of action figure scenario that I would create on my bedroom floor two years ago back in 1989.

To learn more about IDW's fall lineup, visit ComicBookResources.com.

'Weird Al' Keeps Things 'Tacky'

"Weird Al" Yankovic kicks off his #8videos8days campaign with a send-up of Pharrell's "Happy," featuring appearances by Aisha Taylor, Margaret Cho, Eric Stonestreet, Kristen Schaal and Jack Black. Weird Al's "Tacky" will be followed up this week with seven more videos from his new album, Mandatory Fun, which will be available tomorrow.

Check out the video below, via Nerdist.com.

Although I Normally Prefer Brunettes ...

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Happy Birthday, Harrison Ford!

And the geek icon birthdays keep coming! Harrison Ford turns 72 today, and although he's currently recovering from an ankle injury sustained on the set of Star Wars: Episode VII, let's hope Han Solo is doing something fun. Perhaps a few games of dejarik with an old friend? I'm guessing today, the Wookiee will let him win.

Happy Birthday, Sir Patrick Stewart!

He's nerd royalty. He's worshiped by both Star Trek and comic book fans. He's best friends with Magneto in real life. And today, it's his birthday.

Join me in honoring Captain Jean-Luc Picard/Professor Charles Xavier himself, Sir Patrick Stewart, many happy returns. It's a joyous day, and it kind of makes me want to sing just like this. 

I Hear Ya, Skaarn ...

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'They Come in Electric, Too?'

	James Wortman (@JamesWortman)
7/12/14, 8:01 PM I might have a long, in-depth discussion about "Gremlins 2: The New Batch" with the next person I see. Consider yourself warned, universe.

'Does This Mean We Have to Start Fighting?'

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'Patriot-1' Explodes on Kickstarter

My coworker and pal Kevin Powers is really going in hard on this whole Kickstarter thing in support of his creator-owned graphic novel Patriot-1 — a superheroic military thriller that’s been his passion project for the last several years. Although much of our attention is presently drawn to the “Big Two” and their associated TV and movie franchises, it’s becoming more important for us as comic book fans  to support the independent comic book scene. After all, it’s where tomorrow’s heroes are born.

Patriot-1 marks the first time I’ve ever contributed to a Kickstarter campaign for a comic book project, but it’s definitely something I can see myself doing more often based on the sheer number of incentives offered by savvy creators. By contributing to Patriot-1’s campaign, you can get your hands on character keys, prints, commissions by artist Dexter Wee and even a limited-edition vinyl figure of the title character. That’s a lot of win.

Find out how you can support Patriot-1 (and why I’m suddenly craving potato salad) by clicking here.

Rocket Moon Trio is My New Favorite Shirt

I don’t need T-shirts and I definitely don’t need more Marvel stuff. But how could I resist WeLoveFine’s amazing Rocket Raccoon-infused resurrection of the iconic “Three Wolf Moon” meme? Guardians of the Galaxy is still a couple of weeks out, but I have a strong feeling that Rocket is going to be one of the most iconic and quotable characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe this side of Tony Stark. Prepare for Rocket Raccoon everything this year.

You can snag the shirt here, and you can catch James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy in theaters August 1.

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Happy Fourth of July!

Wow, has it really been two weeks? Time certainly flies when you're A) Having fun and B) Frantically shuffling from one obligation to the next with your pants on backwards. I'll let you figure out which one of these I've been doing.

Anyway, today is Independence Day, a time for those of us in the ol' U.S. of A. to celebrate our many freedoms, eat lots of charred meat and watch explodey things go "shaboom!" in the night sky. It's a sweet deal.

However, if the thought of going outside today makes you as morose as Kal-El in that dark and stormy Batman V Superman teaser image, IFC is showing a massive marathon of the 1966 Batman TV series for the Fourth of July. Holy time sink!

Harrison Ford Reportedly Suffers Broken Ankle

Last week, Harrison Ford was hospitalized after being crushed by a hydraulic door on the set of Star Wars: Episode VII, and now several news outlets, including The New York Post, are reporting that the 71-year-old actor has indeed broken his ankle. According to at least one insider, he has also sustained pelvis injuries.

Disney initially stated that Ford's injury would not affect filming, but it seems unlikely that the production will run smoothly with a hobbled Han Solo. Stay tuned.

Harrison Ford Injured on 'Star Wars: Episode VII' Set

Don't let anyone tell you that making movies isn't a dangerous business. Variety reports that Harrison Ford — Han Solo himself — sustained an ankle injury while filming Star Wars: Episode VII at Pinewood Studios in England.

The 71-year-old actor was airlifted to a local hospital after the incident, which The Hollywood Reporter sources claim was caused by the hydraulic door of the Millennium Falcon. In a statement, Disney affirmed that shooting will continue as scheduled while Mr. Ford recovers.