And We’re Back!

In the aftermath of a move to a new apartment and a massive work-related event revolving around fisticuffs and the mental state associated with said fisticuffs, I’m happy to say that The Wort Report has officially returned!

We’re just one week away from the opening of Iron Man 3, and who could ignore the impending releases of Star Trek Into Darkness and The Man of Steel? And didja get a load of that Thor: The Dark World trailer? All things worthy of your geeking out in the weeks and months ahead.

But before all that, I’d like to address news that Microsoft is planning on unveiling a brand-spanking new Xbox on May 21st at 10 a.m. PDT. Although I’ve gotten giddy about such tantalizing reveals in the past, I’m wary this time around. It might be because I’ve grown very attached to the Xbox 360 over the past seven years (I’ve gone through three of them in that time), and the thought of building up a new game library for an entirely new piece of hardware just doesn’t seem that thrilling to me. Moreover, my time for gaming has shrunk to near-nothingness recently, so I’m not all that confident I’ll be making the plunge into the next generation of consoles ... at least not right now.

 What do you guys think? Are you excited about a “Next Gen” Xbox? Tweet your thoughts using the hashtag #XboxReveal, and check back here this weekend for more emblogginations.

Marvel and Capcom Square Off on Xbox Live Arcade!

It’s about damn time. Arguably one of the most popular titles among hardcore fighting game fanatics, Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 is now available on Xbox Live Arcade. The cost? 1200 Microsoft Points ($15.00). The updated title features competitive online play, widescreen support and enhanced HD graphics.

But why is this re-release of a nine-year-old game so hotly anticipated? That can probably be attributed to its robust character roster, featuring 56 fighters from the Marvel and Capcom ranks, pitting Street Fighter brawlers such as Ryu, Chun-Li and Guile against comic book icons such as Spider-Man, Captain America and Iron Man. Coupled with three-on-three tag-team gameplay and a control scheme that is as simple to learn as it is difficult to master, it’s easy to see why Xbox 360 owners have been clamoring for an update.

If you’re a longtime fan and aren’t too keen on spending more cash on a game you already own, consider that Capcom is likely testing the waters to see if the demand is there for a brand-new third game. After Street Fighter IV turned out better than we were all expecting, I think we can all get behind the idea of more Capcom fighting goodness.

PlayStation 3 owners will be able to purchase the title through the Playstation Network on August 13.

Crossing the Streams With Ghostbusters: The Video Game (Xbox 360)

It came, it saw, it kicked our ass!

If you grew up with the Ghostbusters films, chances are you’ve already rushed out and purchased Ghostbusters: The Video Game to live out your childhood fantasies of strapping on a proton pack, hopping in the Ecto-1 and ridding Manhattan of pesky poltergeists. However, if you’re a skeptical ectoplasm aficionado who’s been burned far too often by movie adaptations in the past, you’ll be happy to learn that Terminal Reality’s Ghostbusters, while not a perfect game, captures the charm of the 1984 film (and its lesser but underrated sequel) and is a blast to play.

Part of what makes this game so enjoyable is that it’s essentially a third Ghostbusters film. Written by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis—who join Bill Murray and Ernie Hudson to voice their respective paranormal investigators—the story is set two years after Ghostbusters II. You play as a rookie hired to test out Egon’s experimental equipment. Humorously and sensibly, your character is never given an actual name. Since you’re handling such dangerous gear, the guys reason that there’s really no point in getting too attached by learning your name. “Rookie” it is.

You might be disappointed that you never get to play as Peter Venkman (Murray), Ray Stantz (Aykroyd), Egon Spengler (Ramis) or Winston Zeddemore (Hudson) in the single-player mode, but it’s fun sitting back from an outside perspective and watching these iconic characters bounce off each other in some of the funniest dialogue you’re likely to find in a video game. Annie Potts returns as receptionist Janine Melnitz, retaining her sardonic wit, while William Atherton returns as reviled bureaucrat Walter Peck, who apparently still has no dick. (Well, that’s what I heard!) Alyssa Milano steps in for Sigourney Weaver’s Dana Barrett as Dr. Ilyssa Selwyn, the focal point of the story and Peter’s love interest. If you’re not happy with Dr. Venkman getting over Dana so quickly, back off, man. He’s a scientist.

At the beginning of the game, Ray gives you some pointers on how to use your proton stream but, in your excitement, you accidentally unleash Slimer from the containment unit. He returns to his old haunt, the Sedgewick Hotel, and it’s up to you and the boys to re-capture the ugly little spud while causing a copious amount of collateral damage. Accidentally, of course.

Sound familiar? It should. The early sections of the game spend a lot of time rehashing characters and locations from the original movie. In the first few levels, you’ll face off against the gluttonous Slimer, the monstrous Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (now with creepy little marshmallow minions) and the New York Public Library’s Gray Lady. Things get a lot more interesting storywise once the game begins exploring new territory—including a jaunt through an alternate dimension—but I doubt any Ghostbusters fan will truly protest wrangling Slimer in the Sedgewick ballroom or reducing Mr. Stay Puft to sugary goop. Love for the films is what made you purchase this game in the first place; Terminal Reality is merely indulging you.

However, 1980s nostalgia would be pretty worthless if the game wasn’t fun to play. Controlling similarly to the Gears of War series, Ghostbusters is a third-person shooter with a twist. There are ghosts that can be vanquished simply by blasting them with your proton stream—or one of three upgradeable weapons on your proton pack—but a lot of the combat requires you to weaken, lasso and trap your opponents. This rhythmic gameplay component certainly had the potential to be repetitive, but it’s actually incredibly satisfying.

My favorite proton pack add-on is the slime blower, which is a slightly modified version of the one seen in Ghostbusters II. In addition to the standard hose, the blower has a “slime tether” function that allows you to solve puzzles and play around with the game’s impressive Infernal Engine physics.

Does it have flaws? Sure. Some of the voice acting is a bit forced, and, while this isn’t necessarily a hard game for seasoned vets, the difficulty ramps up at odd times and it becomes frustrating. That said, it’s eight hours of mostly solid gameplay that hardcore fans will want to revisit more than once. After finishing the single-player mode, a variety of multiplayer options will keep you coming back long after you help the boys once again save New York from total annihilation.

Ghostbusters could have easily been a run-of-the-mill movie cash-in title, but there’s a lot of love in this game. Terminal Reality clearly intended to craft a unique Ghostbusters experience and they’ve certainly succeeded. From the nuanced combat to the clever integration of gadgets such as the PKE meter to the chuckle-worthy dialogue, this is a game by and for the fans.

Bustin’ will make you feel good.

Resident Evil 5 Hits Xbox Live

Yes, I’m aware that the headline rhymes, but when we’re talking about a playable demo for the sure-to-be-classic fifth installment in the Resident Evil franchise, you can probably forgive me. The Resident Evil 5 demo, which became available exclusively for Xbox Live Gold members today, includes three single- and two-player co-op levels to give fans a sense of what to expect when the game hits store shelves March 13. The demo will be made available to Xbox Live Silver members on February 29.

For those not in the know, this game marks the return of Resident Evil veteran Chris Redfield as he teams with a new partner, Sheva Alomar, to get to the bottom of a mysterious bioterrorist attack in sub-Saharan Africa.

In preparation for the game’s release, I’ve been getting reacquainted with the survival horror franchise by picking up Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition. I played through the GameCube version of the game multiple times when it was released in 2005, but I could hardly resist giving it another go with the Wii Remote motion controls. Granted, I apparently suck at aiming the controller at the things I want to stop living, but the twitchy gameplay adds a satisfying level of panic to an already nerve-racking experience.

Current Console Generation Not Ending Anytime Soon

Happy Black Friday, Wortmaniacs! As of this writing, people all across the United States are celebrating the age-old tradition of over-the-top post-Thanksgiving consumerism to ring in the holiday season. Video game consoles—such as the Nintendo Wii, the Playstation 3 and the Xbox 360—surely rank pretty high on most people’s holiday gift guides but, with today’s rocky economic landscape, does it make a whole lot of sense to blow a lot of cash on a system that’s only going to be obsolete in a few years?

Thankfully, Europe’s Xbox head Chris Lewis said in an interview with Edge Online that gamers can look forward to a longer relationship with the current crop of consoles than they’re used to.

“I think this generation will be longer, because there is so much scalability,” Lewis told the gaming industry news site. He added that through downloadable content like the New Xbox Experience (NXE), it is possible to continue enhancing current hardware without the need for a physical—and expensive—upgrade.

“So if you think of that scalability and the opportunity to enhance and develop what we do with this platform, then I think it’s very, very possible—and indeed appropriate—that this generation will be longer," he said. “But we’re not specific about when that will happen, and we don’t have a particular timeline that we share right now. But as I said, there’s a lot more still to come.”

This is a relief, since I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with my Xbox 360, and the Wii has charm despite its disregard for gamer-targeted software. Even the Playstation 3—which I’ve yet to own—has built a pretty impressive stable of exclusive games, including LittleBigPlanet and Metal Gear Solid 4. In addition, with gaming taking a bold step into the mainstream over the last few years, video games are enjoying a true golden age this generation. Let’s make sure it lasts.

A Hands-On Look at Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

Geeks rejoice! A brief playable demo for the highly anticipated Star Wars: The Force Unleashed has hit the Xbox Live Marketplace. Taking on the role of Darth Vader’s secret apprentice, code-named “Starkiller,” players are tasked by the Dark Lord of the Sith himself to eliminate a Jedi Master who is attacking an Imperial shipyard. Vader gives you free-reign to cut down anyone in your path—including Imperials—to ensure that the Emperor has no knowledge of your existence. If it moves, feel free to get stabby with your lightsaber. Barring that, there is that whole Force thing that enables you to throw enemy soldiers around like rag dolls or fry them to a crisp. Hey, Sith happens.

Judging by the demo, players have a lot to look forward to the multi-platform The Force Unleashed, which hits U.S. store shelves on September 16. Having played the Xbox 360 version, I liken the gameplay to the God of War or Devil May Cry series in that combat relies heavily on combos and special attacks that players can chain together with devastating results. The demo takes players through part of an early mission in the game—Starkiller’s Force powers are not fully developed—but one still gets a cathartic thrill out of dispatching an entire squad of Imperial Stormtroopers in mere seconds with a well-timed Force Push or lightning blast. If the game’s goal was to show just why the dark side of the Force is so appealing, then they’ve absolutely accomplished that goal. And because the much-touted environmental and body physics in this game are so finely tuned, the player really does experience the sensation of power that this title demands.

However, the demo isn’t perfect. Matt Sloan’s performance as Darth Vader seems a bit flat during the demo’s opening cinematic, hardly imitating the iconic aural menace of James Earl Jones. Also, while the demo is short and only hints at the gameplay possibilities, one hopes that there’s more to the finished product than slogging through easily-dispatched enemies. Sure, having full and unfettered control of the Force may be what Star Wars fans have always wanted, but button mashing is tedious with or without a high midichlorian count.

All in all, this is a promising demo that any Star Wars enthusiast should download immediately to tide themselves over until The Force Unleashed is available for purchase. Heck, even if you're just a casual gamer who can't tell an Ewok from an Ugnaught, the demo's worth a shot. If you’re not at least a little impressed by this demo, then, as Lord Vader might say, “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

Cooper Lawrence: "My bad!"

After angry video gamers spammed her Amazon.com book pages into oblivion last week, pop psychologist Cooper Lawrence retracted her misinformed criticism of Bioware's Mass Effect in an interview with The New York Times last week.

According to the article, Lawrence had been briefed on the game's alleged "pornographic" content prior to her appearance on Fox News' The Live Desk With Martha MacCallum and had never played the game nor had she seen the titillating clip in question. During a brief scene in the sci-fi/action game's final act, the main character engages in a PG-13 sex romp with one of the other members of his/her crew. Of course Lawrence was misinformed, claiming on national television that the game objectified women and was a bad influence on impressionable young minds.

"I recognize that I misspoke,” she told the Times last week . “I really regret saying that, and now that I’ve seen the game and seen the sex scenes it’s kind of a joke. Before the show I had asked somebody about what they had heard, and they had said it’s like pornography." She then added, "But it’s not like pornography. I’ve seen episodes of Lost that are more sexually explicit.”

It's startling that even following the release of such groundbreaking artistic accomplishments such as Mass Effect, BioShock and Super Mario Galaxy, games remain pop culture's perennial scapegoat. Nevertheless, her retraction represents a victory for the gaming community, which came out in force to expose the ignorance at work in that fateful Fox News segment.

While My Guitar (-shaped Controller) Gently Weeps

I hope everyone out there on the Interweb is having an awesome year thus far. I know that I’ve been MIA for the last week or so, but the strains of some semblance of a social life coupled with a hectic work schedule have left me more or less taxed. And yes, that last sentence was meant to get you thinking about tax season, since it’s pretty much here.

Explanation for procrastination aside, I should admit that I’ve been spending a fair amount of time honing my skills at Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. And before all the naysayers chime in with “James, just learn to play real guitar and put down the plastic toy with the brightly colored buttons,” let me just say f*ck off, first of all. Okay, I admit that’s a bit harsh, but that’s a conversation that seems to come up whenever I mention how fun the game is to someone less guitar heroic. Yes, I’m aware that it’s just a video game and that getting five stars on “Even Flow” does not compare to someone spending hundreds of dollars and countless hours learning to master real chords for real songs on a real guitar. But lighten up. It’s the equivalent of someone saying “why are you playing Super Mario Bros. when you can be a real Italian plumber who steps on turtles, frantically collects coins and eats random mushrooms that come out of flashing boxes emblazoned with question marks?” It’s just an idiotic argument. Video games are escapism, first and foremost.

But after winning a grueling guitar battle with Satan himself, I’m pretty happy with the latest iteration of the Guitar Hero franchise. It’s got a good mix of old and new. You can start off a play session with some vintage Aerosmith or The Rolling Stones and move onto some Tenacious D…yes, I said Tenacious D before rocking out to KISS and DragonForce. Plus, thanks to the aforementioned guitar boss battles, you’ll test your skills against rockers like Tom Morello and Slash, who later become playable characters.

It’s available for just about every system out there, so if you’re not hip to Guitar Hero by now, what the hell are you waiting for?

Mass Effect: Game of the Year?

Well I’m sidelined from work today due to a vicious head cold. And while I’d normally be napping this afternoon, the whole nasal congestion thing (with that weird nostril-shifting stuffiness) makes restful sleeping impossible. So here I am at my computer, setting up my digital soap box for another one of my rants about something or another. Today’s topic? Mass Effect.

I know I’ve already written about my first impressions of this Xbox 360 RPG/Shooter hybrid, but you’ll be relieved to know that I’ve conquered this beast of a game twice since its release, and I plan on hopping into the commander’s seat of the Normandy for a third time. Why? It’s damn fun, that’s why.

And it’s not just because it’s fun to shoot things. Tons of games (particularly lately) allow you to do just that. Rather, it’s the customization. From the moment you boot up the game for the first time, you have complete control of your character, from their background to their class to their appearance. Hell, you can even give them a first name. Commander James Shepard, if you hadn’t guessed, is a badass bald Adonis. Remind you of someone you know?

Sure, the story of Mass Effect is your typical space opera fare. Chase the bad guy from world to world before he uses a superweapon to conquer the universe. Been here before? Sure you have. But you can tackle the quest in any way you wish. Wanna brave the snow-capped peaks of Noveria before venturing to the war-torn world of Feros? Be my guest. The story unfolds a bit differently depending on which missions you take on first and who’s in your party. I won’t spoil anything about that here.

Some of the most fun in this game comes through conversation with NPCs (non-playable characters) in your party, on your ship and in the various cities that you visit. Every conversation brings you closer to being a Paragon (good guy) or a Renegade (total dick). I have to admit, earning Renegade points can be damned fun, but you’ll often find yourself feeling a little shameful for threatening total strangers. Or maybe that’s just me.

The main story took me about 12 hours my first playthrough, and a little less than that on my second. But I’m also the type of person that completely ignores the various side missions that are thrown your way. But since all of your gear and experience points carry over from playthrough to playthrough, you’ll be able to breeze through the main story on replays.

Is it the game of the year? As far as single-player campaigns it most certainly is. Sorry, BioShock. You were fun, but I really had no reason to play you again after getting both endings. Mass Effect’s universe is so immersive you’ll want to revisit it again and again to explore all of the options it has to offer before the sequel hits the shelves.

Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!

Like just about every child of the 80s, I'm currently in the midst of a wave of nostalgia this weekend, all because four anthropomorphic amphibians named after Renaissance painters decided to make their return to the silver screen.

If you're completely lost right now, I'm referring to the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, TMNT. While the abbreviation may just be a reflection to our acronym-saddled vocabulary (for example, hit me up on AIM so we can LOL at some NSFW PDFs. I'll ttyl), the name of the film may be attributed to the fact that the turtles in question are no longer teenagers, and Twentysomething Mutant Ninja Turtles just doesn't have the same ring and might be difficult to fit on action figure packaging.

Alas, I've yet to see the film (and when I do, you'll know). Instead, I'd like to talk about a little gem that I discovered on XBox Live Arcade this past week. The turtles were never just a cartoon or a comic book or a line of toys. They were an all-encompassing part of kid-dom in the early 90s. We wore the shirts, played with the toys, ate the cereal (and the cream pies), read the comics (well, I was one of the only kids I knew who actually read the more "mature" early stuff by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird on which everything was based), went to see the movies, watched the cartoon, and even listened to their album from the Pizza Hut-sponsored live concerts. We did it all. And this certainly included video games, of which there were several. I have fond memories of spending countless quarters on the original Ninja Turtles arcade game, and would flock to it at every bowling alley or game room I could find. There was a home version, which was far more simplified and marketed as the sequel to the "holy crap this game is impossible" Nintendo original.

Today, manchildren like myself can hop on XBox Live and play a complete recreation of the original game, complete with its "Cowabunga" voice clips, pizza power-ups and button-mashing boss battles. It's a fun diversion to play through by yourself, despite the fact that you really can't lose since you basically have infinite "coins." The Xbox Live multiplayer, however, is where it's at. You can pick your turtle (Donatello's easily the best) and play through the game with 3 total strangers. You each have 19 lives, and the game generally takes about 30 minutes to breeze through (Shredder's a pain). What really shines here is the ability to talk to the other players, who generally seem to be enjoying themselves for a change. To see what I mean, fire up Gears of War and listen to the foul-mouthed racist 10 year-olds that yell at you when you "steal their kill."

The game's straight up fun. During my last run-through, we talked about all of the different facets of growing up a Turtle fan, ranging from "how cool was the sewer lair playset" to "how did Vanilla Ice end up in the second movie?" Fun and nostalgic? Count me in.

Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael: Welcome back. Cowabunga indeed.