I'm the guy who does his job...

...you must be the other guy. Yes, folks. After months of suggestions, taunting and hate mail, I have finally...FINALLY...seen The Departed. Fortunately, I made up for lost time by watching it three times last week all before it took home, among others, "Best Picture" and "Best Director" gold at The Oscars, or as I like to call it: The Night Hollywood Blows Itself (TNHBI for short).

I kid, I kid. I'm happy Scorcese got the recognition he so sorely deserved, even though the majority of the night was a vacuous display of narcissism. Much like most blogs, but I digress...ahem.

What I really enjoy about The Departed is its rewatchability. I've caught new things each time I've watched it, and each time I learn new catch-phrases that I can blurt out randomly during the course of my day. "Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe f*ck yourself" has quite the ring to it, especially when they ask if I want sugar in my coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Sorry donut ladies. Blame Marky Mark....He and the Funky Bunch will send a letter of apology in due time.

In literary news, I've just jumped into the Stephen King library, starting off with The Shining and working my way to obscurity from there. I have to admit, it takes a while to get used to his writing and the way he lays things out very slowly. I remember being frustrated with this when I read Pet Sematary some time ago. But hey, the guy is good at what he does, and he establishes mood pretty well. I want to jump into his Dark Tower series as soon as I make my way through the bulk of his "must-read" titles, and I have quite a bit more pages to turn to get to that point.

Gaming has cooled off due to that pesky thing known as a social life. You might have one. I know I'm going to dust off my Xbox 360 headphones, pop in Gears of War and chainsaw some noobs one of these nights, but it may take a while. Until then, tears will be rolling down many a pixelated cheek while legions of Wortmaniacs await the return of the N00b St0mper.

Britney Ripped My Style!

Well, it's official: The once-reigning princess of pop has gone way over the deep end. While there is a silver lining here, in that the media finally has something else to latch on to that isn't the ongoing Anna Nicole Smith saga, it also makes the 16-year-old me weep. Like most young men growing up in the 90s, I had a huge crush on her. Now, she's crushing us with every night-club freakout, new tattoo and impromptu prison haircut.

Don't get me wrong, the shaved head look is awesome on the right person. On me, for example (wink wink). But Brit, come on. When you got rid of K-Fed, we rejoiced. Now look at you. You're years away from a worthwhile comeback at this point, and your shenanigans aren't helping matters. Aside from your career, you do realize that there are two kids thrown into the mix, right?

Now that I've weighed in on the subject just like everyone else in the blogosphere, I just discovered God of War for the aging PS2 this past week and...wow. It's one of the most addicting games I've ever played. From beginning to end, it was such a satisfying experience that I can't wait to jump into it again before the sequel comes out next month. Developers, take note: This is an action-adventure game done right. The violence, nudity and threesome mini-games are just the icing on the cake. And the secret ingredient of said cake is awesomeness.

And since the game takes place in Greece, it's got me all amped up for the upcoming 300, brought to us by Frank Miller (Sin City, The Dark Knight Returns) and Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead). I recently picked up the 300 graphic novel (of course I did, it's Frank Miller and I'm a whore), and the movie should be, like Sin City before it, a bloody good time. Pun absolutely intended.

Celluloid Snake?

Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's take a cinematic video game series like...oh, I don't know...Metal Gear Solid, take the interactivity out of it, and cut an 8 hour storyline into about an hour and a half. And see if Michael Bay is available, he's good at explosions!

Oops, looks like Sony Pictures stole my surefire million dollar idea by announcing a live-action movie version of Metal Gear Solid. This is an interesting bit of news, seeing as how there's been speculation as to whether Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, will be multiplatform or a Playstation 3 exclusive. If this deal works out between Sony and Konami, none of us will be able rack up those Xbox Live achievements with our old pal Solid Snake. Ah well, we'll all be able to see the movie, right? And we all know that video game movies are guaranteed blockbusters, right?

In case you can't detect my sarcasm there, blogosphere, this is horrible news. First off, as a rule, video game movies are always...ALWAYS bastardized versions of the source material. Take a look at Super Mario Bros., Resident Evil, Doom and the list goes on. The other reason a Metal Gear movie just doesn't make sense is that the games are pretty much movies already. Sure, there's a lot of gameplay mixed in there, but the games are laid out like interactive action films with some stylish visuals during the extensive cinematics. What's the point of making a movie if all it does is dilute the premise?

The linked article also mentions a World of Warcraft film being in the works over at Warner Bros. Wow, a rich fantasy world inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien.... what a brilliant and original idea. Think that'd work on-screen? Idiots.